The Perfect Flight

Have you ever dreamed of a perfect flight? I have and often. While this may be an unrealistic list, I hope that one day I will land the perfect flight!

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What does a perfect flight look like? Here is the wish list:

  1. Zero cancellations,  delays, rerouting, turbulence, maintenance issues, need for a new aircraft or overselling
  2. Absolutely no un-ticketed passengers, no bags checked without the owner-on-board, no mystery unaccounted for items
  3. Never any medical emergencies specifically let’s avoid the heart attacks
  4. Ban sprogs and if there must be can we at least compromise to none in diapers and none that act like cavemen
  5. Stop the practice of sharing bodily fluids, no vomit, no blood, no urine or feces, and no bare feet
  6. Decline people that smell or omits gasses from ANY orifice
  7. Noone that can’t get on board and arrange their gear and take a seat in less than two minutes. Specifically, have people get on and sit down the same way they project out of their seat upon landing
  8. Stop those carrying 20 bags or bags that apparently should be checked and don’t fit the overhead
  9. No violence, no arguing, no drunks
  10. Decline anyone that needs two seats and purchased one – at least not sat next to me
  11. No idiots, no psychopaths, no wankers or total twats – I know this one is a long shot, but my patience is wearing thin
  12. No one that thinks I am their entertainment. How about a smile, some quick, pleasant chit-chat then silence?
  13. Everyone completely empties their bowels BEFORE boarding


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